Why you should NOT watch the 49ers in December

Why you should NOT watch the 49ers in December?

1. They are not going to make the playoffs

This statement might seem a little obvious but it needs to be said. There really is no point in watching a team with no chance of making the playoffs in December unless they are winless. (that’s right – I would rather watch the Lions than the Niners). In the past, you could view a strong end to the season as a reason to believe the team is going to carry the momentum into the following year. In the modern NFL, what a non-playoff team does in December has little to do with their record the following year. As a result, does it really matter if they go 0-4 or 4-0? Think about it.

2. The Vernon Davis Phenomenon

If I would have told you last year that Vernon Davis would surpass Jeremy Shocky as the most talked about mediocre player in the league you would have called me crazy. Well, we all know what has happened and I cannot stand it anymore. I don’t care if he is good or bad. I just want people to stop talking about him. Every time you watch a Niner game you will hear something about Vernon Davis. Why in the world are we still talking about this guy and why do fans continue to debate his value to the team!? Warriors’ fans no longer talk about Belinelli so why should Niners’ fans keep talking about Davis? The Vernon Davis talk should be enough for anyone to watch something else.

(Yes – I just compared Vernon Davis to Marco Belinelli.)

3. The Sell Out Uniforms

Remember that friend (“Joe”) you had in college who dressed like he was always going to a Pearl Jam concert – random gray tee-shirt, beat-up jeans, worn-in shoes, permanent 5 o’clock shadow and long hair. Joe was one of your best friends that you could always count on. Some of your best memories are drinking too much on Thursdays while playing Madden until 4 am. Needless to say you and Joe had some pretty good times together.

Those times could not last as you both graduated. Joe got consumed by his job that was more about statistics and turning a profit then what defense he was playing in Madden. The next thing you know Joe looks like he is getting paid to wear J. Crew (not to mention his “never-thought-possible” corporate haircut). No matter how much Madden you and Joe play together, it is really hard to remember the good old days because nothing about the Joe’s appearance reminds of the guy you once knew. Not only does he look like a complete sell out but also his Madden skills have diminished so considerably that he isn’t even fun to play anymore. As a result, you stop hanging out with Joe because you have all but forgotten the good old days.

13 years later

You hear a knock on your door and there is Joe looking like he use to. He has come to ask forgiveness for all the stupid things he has done over the last 13 years. You are so excited that the two of you go straight to the couch for a good old fashion Madden session. Joe’s game still leaves something to be desired but there is renewed hope for the future …

Until the Niners ask their fans for forgiveness and stop wearing those sell out uniforms - why keep watching them?

4. Offense?

The offensive line can’t block anybody. The wide receivers are completely overmatched. Shaun Hill is (to be nice) mediocre. Frank Gore never gets the ball because A) Mike Martz and the rest of the offensive brain trust have no idea what they are doing or B) the organization is saving is body from getting beaten down every Sunday. Either way, there is no reason to watch the Niners in December 2008.

5. The Draft is not the regular season

The idea of watching the Niners so you can see what draft pick they are going to have in April is just plain stupid. People make this argument all the time and I never understand what people are talking about. Furthermore, I don’t even know what exactly you want to happen. Rooting for a top-5 pick doesn’t make any sense because a top-5 player is rarely worth the money he gets paid. Rooting for a pick below 5 doesn’t make any sense because the pick is a toss-up and the money they save by not signing a top-5 pick goes straight into the pocket of Jed York. If you care about the 2009 Draft – watch ESPN in April not the Niners in December.